Many people are afraid to face their fears and past hurts, because “it just hurts too much.” If you feel this way, I want you to imagine yourself carrying a 50 lb. bag around with you every day. Think how that could impact your internal thoughts as well as how you deal with other people. Wouldn’t you start to feel exhausted, beat down and depressed? What if I told you, facing your hurts and past pain would help you reduce or at least minimize the “extra weight” that has had a negative impact on your daily life. You have every right to feel what you feel and never let anyone tell you otherwise. What matters is how we process how we feel that matters. Disappointments happen. I know it sounds like a cliché but it’s the darkest times that help us discover who we really are and what we really need and want out of life.
If you want to be whole and not have to rely on another imperfect being for your personal wellbeing, then you will choose to be present. You will intentionally become aware of what is going on within you, and you will work through your personal hurts, facing them head on, and realizing what you have to learn and gain from them. When you begin to make a practice of being present and aware, what other people do to you in relationships might elevate or hurt you (depending on the nature of their actions), but it won’t have the power to define you, how you feel, or how you treat others. You will gain the ability to see people and situations just as they are.
While holding on is part of being human, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of how you feel; you just have to develop the mental discipline to not let it control you. Such a practice must be enacted every day, but it will change your entire outlook on life. You will be able to eliminate the limiting beliefs from your mindset, and you will have the power to control your emotions. You will even be able to control your physical response to situations, conversations, and another people’s energy; you won’t have to mindlessly react.
Practicing presence is much easier said than done, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you require external assistance, seek quality literature or professional to point you in the right direction. It’s certainly worth the investment of time and resources, because if you continue to walk around with your hurt, you’ll project that hurt onto others. If you’re hurting, you can’t help but hurt other people. You will deteriorate your ability to trust, as well as theirs, unintentionally sabotaging what may have the potential to be a welcome addition to your life. You have the power to create joy or misery, solely based on what you do with your past experiences.
You may have to only dig into your recent history to deal with the pain that causes you to bring more pain, or you might have to trek back into your childhood. You may find things you didn’t expect, such as how the feelings of resentment you harbor towards your love interest reflect unaddressed resentment towards a parent or other adult figures. Regardless, do the hard work of digging into and disinfecting those old wounds. Otherwise, they’ll remain trapped in your body, deciding for you whom you’re attracted to, how you’ll subconsciously grasp the revenge you think you deserve, and the way you misinterpret your lover’s every move.
Now, if you feel that your partner’s words or actions need to be addressed, bring up how you’re feeling to determine if your thoughts hold validity. Truth is the bottom line of awareness, and you should make a practice of getting information from the source. But remember, the goal is to attain health throughout your entire being, eliminate limiting beliefs, and write your own authentic story about who you are and the true, honest, unconditional love you desire and deserve.
Something to talk about
Share what you are most grateful for or pat yourself on the back for making changes to improve your life, no matter how small.