Another pitfall I commonly see people fall into is the need to compare the outside world of others to their own reality. The whole “keeping up with the Joneses,” or the belief I am only as good or as worthy of good things as people are willing to give me, is a dangerous mind game to play. Finding your worth based on outside perceptions is not a stable platform for healthy and happy relationships, because it is a very conditional way to live. You can never be sure when the other shoe will drop. This lack of security can prevent you from feeling “all in” within a relationship, and it can also lead to resentments down the road.
If having the biggest house or best car and cloths, and if this is a value you each share, than you both have to be willing to put the effort into maintaining such a standard. I do however caution that you have an honest discussion about the “what if’s” in life. Yes, hopefully nothing bad will ever happen, but life is filled with uncertainty and having a backup plan for when the unexpected happens, like a loss of a job or decline in business, illness, or a desire to live off one income, to raise children are very real possibilities for most people.
Remember, change is inevitable and that is why it is important to keep the lines of communication open and having these conversations on a regular basis will help you weather each storm life brings your way.
What do you think?
Have there been times when you needed to make adjustments to your expectations about a job or relationship?
How did you go about telling the other person about your expectations and your needs within the relationship?